It goes on…


And hence I have ended my love-affair with Mumbai finally. With a heavy heart I am now trying to settle back in the city, which despite all out-worldly charms Mumbai posed in front of me, couldn’t let me forget her warmth. So yes, I loved Mumbai with all my heart, but Kolkata, it shall always pet my soul as its own.

Kolkata has given me everything. Despite the reeking disappointment with the current socio-political scenario and the instability out here, I could not just do away with its call. Its always such peace to wake up in the cosiness and security of your own bed, in your own room, in your own city. I’m sure you’ll can relate to this too. Mumbai had been very nice and accepting to me. I guess it is the same with everyone. I had another period of professional and psychological growth while being there. It had been a fairly coherent and satisfying progress of mine.

The best things I liked about the city? Privacy, professionalism, outgoing nature of people all of which added to its charm. The night-outs with friends along the Marine Drive, long drives along the highways with of course the uproar of hostel life, it only added to all the happiness. The serendipity of finding a lakeside boat house Bombay campus within the IIT to relax and muse, had been a benediction. The Sameer Hills for a short trek and the viewing the entire campus from atop, ahh what bliss!!

But of course I cannot forget to mention my love without whom none of these would have been possible. Our desultory roaming about in the Heeranandani, Nariman Point, Colaba, Vasi etc, visiting food stalls and restaurants at random to nexperiment on and discover our culinary  capabilities buttressed our love strongly. It helped eradicate all my trepidation  about life, relationships, that took birth due to my past. He along with the city helped heal me, taught me how to love anew.

I had to return though to the city of joy finally. Did I look forward to it? Yes, because its my home. It is where I was born. Everything I am is because of this city. I shall never forget though all that I learnt from the city that never sleeps.

Kolkata made me but Mumbai, it grew me.

Place: Kolkata

Date: 09/07/2016



Cui Bono?

Today I woke up early despite having slept pretty late last night. A lot had been happening in my life. But a few things more important is that, my love for this place is growing and only so. As it is growing for him. Almost every moment, everyday. We had a small quarrel last night. But when I thought of it today, I felt so naive and insecure about my maturity. But the worst thing is, it gave me a gush of cynical happiness. Almost like the devil smiles the coldest of all in those ‘Antichrist’ movies bereft of all logic. I felt like that. image
Today morning it was really a complicated feeling. I knew I should apologise. But at the same time a sudden vile taste of victory creeps into the heart. I am kind of going to a limbo. Just want to be free of these thoughts. It seems too unritualistic of me, I can understand. Hence the limbo.
I’ll be back soon.

Dusts of Gold-I

I have always liked traveling since childhood though really I have traveled lesser than the most, with my family, friends whatever. I always nurtured a wish, since I had graduated school, I shall pursue this liking of mine, once I am independent. Starting earning on my own i.e. my first journey outside my native place to join my first job was hence more thrilling, as I was brimming with happiness for any future adventure approaching. It was short lived enough, my job i.e. the reason being my particular dislike to the work-life at a plant. It needed a lot of tenacity to bear the brunt of the boss, and then the jabs from the labourers working under you, to survive and push through the corporate ladder upward while working at a plant. Frankly speaking, it was just not my cup of tea. Nevertheless, the little time I had staying on my own, I utilised it to the fullest to travel. I did not explore the place where I was staying myself, as much as I had explored this new city and this new city of wonders was Mumbai.

Yes, Mumbai, euphoric as it is. imageThis city was never the place where I might have wanted to settle at all. Thanks to all the famed bickering of all the Bengalis out there about the sky-high expenses spoiling their lives in the city. Yet whatever little it had given me, it is so precious, that I have to cherish them and my memories with this city forever. It was my second visit to Mumbai, I guess when I met “The Boy”. I had met him a number of times previously, but that was always in Kolkata, my home town, courtesy- his brother. Meeting him in Mumbai was not something I expected to be so discretely overwhelming, till the second time we met. I was broken from a terrible personal loss, which I would never like to indulge into anymore because some mistakes are better kept under the fold never to be revealed, though the fault has to be owned up. At that time I needed a pillar to hold up a mirror in front of me, to reflect back to me dazzling my eyes, who I was really, and my identity. There were none apart from my parents who could have done this better, but these two people, simply thawed me with the love and care they ushered on me. “The Girl” and “The Boy”.

“The Girl”- A strange and hugely pleasant surprise, for me and vice versa (hopefully). We knew each other since school days but we rarely spoke. What I mean is, we rarely spoke and even if we did, it would be nothing more than two strangers bound in the same place by some similar laws and yet so very away. I met her at the IIT Mumbai campus courtesy “The Boy” a long 7 -8 years after moving out from our beloved school. I never could believe myself how much I had poured down on her within such a short period of time we came close to each other. I am an introvert, and have no issues in accepting that and I am not this kind of a person who just pours down everything on anyone who might “appear” as a friend. Apparently she was bound to be much more than that, and I realised that as I spent more time with her roaming about in the streets of Mumbai, searching for restaurants, having good food, doing rounds of “Adda” as much as was permissible in our schedule, and pissing her off with wisps of love aired with my partner. She stood stoutly beside me when I needed someone away from my family to hold me up straight and I can perhaps never be able to tell her how much I owe to her for all those moments, those brunts of my “attention-seeking” self she had to bear. Yes sometimes I am a child and I love to be so, and I love it when the people I love deal with it the way I want them to, or at least appear to bear it without letting me know what shit they are speaking of me at my back. I give a damn about their shitting gossip about me. I just know that I love them. Of course none can have that zenith my parents hold in my life, but they are important too. More important perhaps than they might have been informed, they were.

image“The Boy”- I was about to type several adjectives describing him, but I deleted all. Its better I keep those adjectives to myself. There’s a bagful of them and I don’t want them gushing out in such an overwhelming way as might be the floods in the Ganges. He showed me life and how to live it. Not armoured with riches at all. In fact I have no qualms in accepting the fact that we two were the paupers in the city of Mumbai anybody would laugh at if they had heard us speaking about our Wonderful Lively Dreams as we strolled along the streets at the dead end of the night. He was a student at IIT, and I had left my job after sometime and was staying in Pune to find a new one. We had spent more than a hundred golden moments of much dreamed togetherness, all our stories and our beings bound with sweat and heat and love and tremendous care and unfathomable goodbyes and meeting new people and exploring all the good food in the city and finally letting ourselves know how we might love to spend together time that is endless, life that is evergreen and have friends who might become priceless forever.

Together with both these people, I dug deep into the heart of this city. Maybe loving this place might have been inevitable, but I must admit, knowing this city with them had been an experience which, if I had missed would have cost me a lot of much needed goodness in life. Time had been quite deliquescent no doubt. Life takes away a lot from each of us, only to give them back in some other way. These two people showed me the alternative way how to start living life anew and its significance, with the city of Mumbai in the backdrop acting as a catalyst!





A thousand wet memories


Its raining outside, quite heavily. The summer rains as it is said have come inviting only apathy on my part. More so because of the present disconcerting situation of mine. The rains, the slightest sound of it and the smell, always open the door so struggling to be held together, to stream of memories that once starts flowing cannot be stopped. It seems so unaffordable now, at this moment.

I went upstairs to get my laptop. I need to do some work and some studies concerning my recent ventures. There I saw them leaning over the window to watch the rains. Her small hands were stretched outside as were her legs over the extended portion of the window porch whereupon she was seated. Beside her was  standing the wise woman, and coaxing her and teaching her all that she used to teach me, when I was the little girl’s age. The little girl here is my niece, and the woman- my mother. That moment seemed so important because I realized,  after long, time has flown past like a jet. Those memories that I had so tried to hold in, started flowing once again boundless, inside my mind and kitschy thoughts swarming and a strangely strong and imprudent longing to go back to my childhood days, started barging inside my brains.

Yet I couldn’t. The clasp of time seemed more dubiously stronger than my longing and I had to let go. Painful as it was, I let go of the moment with a small smirk on my face, head nodding with a self-imposed disregard and a heart heavy with a longing that cannot ever be fulfilled anymore. Slowly I picked up my stuffs. For once I thought I might make a small snout to attract her attention… but the gleam in her eyes and that of my mother, in their brewing enjoyment, stopped me on my tracks. I left without a word. Came downstairs. Placed the laptop on the desk. Two beads of salty water fell from my eyes. All my success, till date seemed like a puny beside this one moment. I could have easily joined them. Maybe enjoyed a bit too. But the realization that time has gone past faster, than I even noticed, hurt too bad. Those memories of dancing in the wet garden.. with my mother barking at my back, my grandmother shouting out requesting me to come back, or else a bad cold might be imminent on the very next day to put me down, and me never bothered by any of their concerns wetting myself with all the happiness..the first moments of intimacy formed in the rains; The first deliberate soaking ourselves in the rains, while returning from the college… they hurt now. I am one successful independent woman now. Responsible too. There is no time for me to stand and breathe in lungful  the earthy smell of the wet earth, seemed like a luxury. But the hurt, it was only humane. perhaps it had to be like this. Perhaps these punitive conditions are the results of the many sins we commit as we grow. Perhaps this is how the cycle of life gets established in every aspect. I opened the laptop and started to work. The rains stopped as they started all of a sudden. I remained oblivious and nonplussed of the many such moments I missed.

Nostalgia, I named with a sigh!

Hello world!

Yes I left the first title as the default one given to several others who write. This is just going to be a personal collection of what I am learning everyday, about everything around me and about myself too. But I have no issues or rather I would love to share my experiences of learning with everyone else. I feel honesty cannot be defined with words. It should be shown in regular deeds and as for the regularity, it can be for anything we do and let people enjoy and be happy. In this case I have chosen to write. I do not expect a huge fan base as others do. But yes, I shall be open to receive any inputs from anyone willing enough to join me in my journey.

I shall mainly concentrate on educational issues and social issues I have decided, because Politics is too rotten these days to be of my interest. I do not have much insight into economic progression of this world. Or rather should I say I feel confused about the much complicated financial and economic concerns. Just not my cup of tea. This does not though imply my sensibilities and sympathy towards those who deserve. Occasionally though I might raise voices against issues which might be violent enough to shake my  “conscience”.

That is more than enough about me. We can find out more, gradually about every other thing with time. Till then, enjoy.